D/s during sex

I don't know if I'm of a minority or majority line of thought, but I can't help but feel awkward when my girlfriend fucks me, because I feel like I'm the bottom to her Top - not our typical arrangement, as she is very much the submissive and she very much brings out my Dominant side. If that is the case however, then she would be classified more as a service Top, but still, I derive much more enjoyment from fucking her than from her fucking me.

Of course, I can't get by on masturbation alone (that is, until I find a person who brings out my submissive side - the side that wants to be totally out of control and fucked senseless) and I do enjoy thoroughly interactive sex, so this morning I sat back and enjoyed some much needed attention.

It still felt awkward, though. My reactions at the mercy of the woman who I'm used to putting at _my_ mercy. I guess I'm just not one of those switches who can switch with the same person. She still gave me orgasms, and they felt wonderful, but... I guess you could say it wasn't the same as totally letting go.

In any case, I felt much better when, afterward, I pushed her back on the bed and flogged her backside until it was red and welted. Perhaps that is how I can handle being at her mercy - it was certainly an enjoyable way to end awkward yet satisfying sex.

On an unrelated note, I would love to find a flogger that either has a dildo for a handle or has a dildo attached to the handle. Every time I flog her I have this intense urge to fuck her with the handle, but it's too big for her, not to mention a very unwieldy shape. I shall have to keep my eyes open for something of this fashion.