Friday, January 30, 2009

The Road to M

So a few days ago I wrote a post about my not-quite-girlfriend-anymore M. I don't mean "not quite" in the sense that we're no longer together; I mean "not quite" in the sense that "girlfriend" doesn't really fit anymore. See... M no longer stands for the ultra-girly name she - he - was born with. It stands for Emmett. Here it is.

The Growth & Progress of my Boifriend

Time and exposure to new thought processes has begun to change M in a variety of delightful ways. It’s funny, really. When I first met her she had lonnnng hair. She wasn’t the girliest girl, but she did like to get a little feminine occasionally. Usually the femininity would consist of makeup or jewelry, or a lower cut top. (Of course, now I realize that none of these things are exclusive to femininity or even femme-ininity, but bear with me.) However, when I met her, she was for all intents and purposes straight. Her queer side had not yet been awoken. That’s where I come in!

A couple months of steady flirting and not a little bit of alcohol later, queer M was born. It was a small revelation at first. She didn’t immediately go and hack all her hair off and start buying cuff links and ties. Just realizing she wasn’t straight was enough at the time. But she began to get more and more curious, particularly after we moved out of the state in which we both grew up, away from our families and away from that traditional dynamic that we’d both grown up in. Our families are both amazingly open-minded and welcoming, but still, her family in particular is very traditional in that none of its other members really deviate from socio-sexual and gender norms.

That was when my boifriend really started coming out. The hair was hacked off. All of the girlier jewelry was abandoned. All makeup was thrown by the wayside. More men’s clothing—particularly, dressy men’s clothing like nice slacks and button downs—was bought. Ties were bought. Just about all the clothes with any hint of femininity were tossed into a donation bag. She hasn’t shaved her legs in not even she knows how long. (Funnily enough, I haven’t noticed. I guess it just doesn’t stand out that much on her.) The boi was coming alive.

M has always hated her breasts. She’s always been an active tomboy type, so her large breasts were always in the way and certainly didn’t suit her lifestyle. Well, now they really don’t suit her lifestyle, nor do they suit the image she wants to portray to the world. It goes further than that now, though. She’s becoming more and more interested in fully transitioning. She reads about it on the Internet. We talk about it a lot. She’s looking up books to buy with her tax return money. She wants to meet other transgendered people to talk with. It’s been… well, utterly fascinating to witness. She keeps asking me about it, making sure I’m okay with it; I keep telling her that whatever she wants to do, I’m okay with. It doesn’t matter to me what she looks like. I love all genders. She—or maybe one day, he—will always be my M.

In fact, I almost prefer her this way. I love having an in-between, genderfucked partner. There’s never a dull moment. One day she’s my boyish, dykey girlfriend and the next day she’s dressed to the nines, shoes shined, fedora rakishly placed—indubitably my boifriend.

Whatever name I call her, or whatever pronoun—and that’s another thing; more and more often lately I find myself referring to her as him—whatever genitals or clothes or anything, she is still my M, my it-doesn’t-get-better-than-this-how-did-I-get-so-lucky life partner. We’re sharing our individual journeys with each other, and they’ve only been made that much better by doing so.
M has started his own blog here on Blogger: The Road to M. Check it out - it's pretty good stuff!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

A Call for Candy

Hey butches, femmes, queers of all shapes, sizes and walks of life: have you submitted your pics to Queer Eye Candy yet?

If not, wouldja get on it already? ;)

Monday, January 26, 2009

Anal Play

Anal play is something that has been on my mind more frequently lately. I’m not sure why – perhaps because it’s something in which I haven’t participated for quite some time. Since my last girlfriend, actually. M isn’t interested in trying it, and as someone who is not into receiving anal play – I’m a giver, what can I say – I can completely understand and respect her wishes. Still, I think a part of me misses it. It was a very different but still pleasing sensation, playing with my ex-girlfriend’s ass, particularly in conjunction with fucking her cunt. I really did enjoy it.

I think it’s important to mention that while I do enjoy giving anal play, I am really not into scat play. I do enjoy playing with a person’s anus/rectum, but I’m not so much a fan of what passes through and out of said body parts. I much prefer a clean back end. As far as men vs. women, though… well, I guess I can’t really say until I’ve actually done anal play with a man, but at this point I’m open to either. I think it would just play into my dominant, sadistic streak to strap a switchy or submissive man down to a table and torture him with the pleasure of anal play combined with the pain of floggers, whips, canes, paddles and sharps play. Of course, the same thing would be equally fun with a woman.

I think all of these musings boil down to the simple fact that I want to explore more, to play more, to learn more. My kinky life has been almost dormant lately. There’s always that element of an alternative/kinky lifestyle with M – there can’t be anything but with her; the very nature of our relationship is so out of the mainstream – but the truly active side of it, the side that does all that tying down and whipping and fucking, has been neglected lately. I think it’s due to sheer laziness, to be honest. Unbelievably, sometimes I get so lazy my own sex life is neglected, which is truly sad. I think I’m the one who needs to be whipped… back into shape!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

So Why Do We Need Labels, Anyway?

My recent post on my progression from a pansexual to a queer identity got me thinking about this topic. What does it matter so much if I’m pansexual or queer? Obviously the need to define myself is there, otherwise… well, otherwise I wouldn’t worry about it. But I’ve devoted thought and blog posts to the topic, so… where does this need come from?

I have two thoughts regarding this. One is self-validation. Yes, it’s human nature to compartmentalize, to define and label and file away. But I think that instinct goes beyond pigeonholing our surroundings to self-definition as well. To understand ourselves we need definitions, limits, cubbies. It helps us process what might otherwise remain purely instinctual, subconscious knowledge.

My other thought is that we compartmentalize ourselves in order to make ourselves more easily identifiable to others, which falls into the idea that people need to compartmentalize their surroundings. We want to help others put us in a category so we will be understood by them. We crave understanding and sympathy, so we will expedite that process for our peers. Much like the “Hello, My Name Is…” stickers at a meet ‘n’ greet function, we want to make ourselves easily identifiable, so we fill out those stickers in our minds for easy access when needed in the future. Peel and slap.

This is all so subjective, though. I’ve struggled with these thoughts in the past and they were real downers because I was so discouraged by the idea of hard limits. None of this has to be rigid and closed to change. Identity, sexual/gender or otherwise is such a fluid thing. It can change by the day; it can change with the weather, with a mood, with an outfit. Yes, it seems the need for labels is ever-present, but the thing that makes labels bearable (however reluctantly they are utilized) is that much like the aforementioned outfits, they can be changed, shrugged off and stepped into on a whim.

So, heels or flats today?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

From Pan to Queer

I couldn’t mark the day I adopted “queer” over “pansexual.” It wasn’t an occasion where I woke up, or stopped short in the middle of doing something with a lightbulb illuminating the crown of my head. It was a more gradual sort of evolution brought on by a combination of factors.

Not least of which is whenever I see or hear the word “pansexual” I automatically think of frying pans. Plus, it just sounds so… scientific. Not that there’s anything wrong with science, but I’m not a fan of cold, laboratory-esque terms around my sexuality. Sexuality is a soft, malleable, golden red word. Pansexual is hard, sterile, gleaming steel and unyielding edges.

Of course, now that I describe it, it still sounds sexy.

Okay. Back on track, woman. There’s also the fact that “queer” is not only easier to say but easier for others to understand. Sure, your typical non-queer person thinks “queer” is synonymous with “homosexual,” which isn’t always the case, but getting any kind of comprehensive response is better than a blank stare.

Oddly enough, queer also feels more comprehensive than pansexual. I couldn’t tell you why that is, since pansexual is a comprehensive term by definition, but there are still those unyielding edges around it that queer doesn’t seem to have. If these terms were people, in my mind pansexual would be the clique who closes ranks and shoulders out anyone new, whereas queer is the crazy, lovable chick going around hugging everybody.

I know I’m probably going to piss at least one person off with that statement. Oh well. Candor for the win.

So there you have it. I’m queer. Among other things. But, as is said, actions make the person, so… I guess I should go be weird now! Oh, wait…

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


There was a prompt over on Kinky Sex Link that caught my eye, mostly because I think this topic has been inexplicably on my mind a lot lately. It has to do with the BDSM mantras of SSC and RACK. For those who dont know, SSC stands for Safe, Sane & Consensual, and RACK stands for Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. It's generally accepted in the BDSM world that SSC is a little stricter than RACK, shying away from play without safewords and most forms of edgeplay.

But enough on the vocab lesson. The question at KSL asked if the reader followed either of these mantras and if not, what safety measures did the person follow?

Ever since I found out about RACK as opposed to SSC, it's made a little more sense to me. I believe safewords are very useful and possibly even essential in certain environments, but I also believe there are situations in which they are not essential. For example, any time I go to a play party and engage in any kind of play, or witness any kind of play, safewords are made very clear and their freedom of use is made very clear - by which I mean that if a person is feeling less than 100% in any way, they should safeword. Of course, I should also explain that in my local scene, the commonly used safewords are "red," "yellow" and "green." Red obviously equals STOP, no ifs ands or buts about it. Yellow is pause for a moment, let's discuss. Green... well, you get the idea.

However, M and I have never used safewords in our play. Do I say it's because we know each other so well that we read each other's body language, gestures and facial expressions rather than a word coming from the mouth? Possibly. But I know there are couples as deeply connected as we are who use safewords, and that makes them no less connected than we are. So it's hard to say. I can say, however, that not using safewords works for us.

Then there's the other side of SSC vs. RACK - that of edgeplay. Of course, what constitutes edgeplay is highly subjective, but I think I can safely say that M and I are both into more than bondage and flogging - although I must say, my opinion of bondage and flogging is VERY high! We both love knifeplay, for instance, and I love needle play. I'm curious about bloodplay in general, as M and I are fluid bonded. Various other curiosities, and "one days."

If nothing else, however, I think there should be two rules abided by always: keep it consensual, and don't spread disease. I think that about covers it. And at least for me, that seems fairly easy!

Sunday, January 4, 2009


Happy New Year everyone! New year, new resolution to keep this blog up, much unlike how I had been slacking off in 2008. That is NOT the way to create a successful blog, yes?

My kink life has not been horribly active as of late. Munches, yes; hanging out with kinky people in non-kinky situations, yes; working on Queer Eye Candy, yes; doing much to participate in the BDSM world realtime, not so much. Funnily, I am still feeling fulfilled. Maybe because it's not a complete drought - maybe because it's just another aspect of my kink life. I seem to go through certain aspects during any given time period instead of dabbling in all at once. Too much of everything and I feel overwhelmed.

M and I are engaged in a quest to corrupt and win over a certain grown son of one of our older (not old, but old enough to have a son our age) friends. It has been anything but boring, let me just say! I feel reassured every day, though, that M is open to having a, well, somewhat open relationship. Neither of us would go off on our own to have side relationships, but together it's most definitely okay to bring another into our relationship, if not for an addition to the relationship but at least for friendship and, of course, sex. :D

In any case, expect to see more out of this blog. It's good for the mind to get its thoughts out.