Open

So... polyamory. I guess you could say that my more or less monogamous lifestyle has taken a gigantic leap into the polyamorous in the last couple of weeks. Huge changes in so little amount of time. I'm amazed my brain has even begun to process it at all. It's been intense, enjoyable, amazing, and absolutely unforgettable.

(By the way, Q, I know you follow me... just a word of warning, things might get a little stronger than PG in the following paragraphs! Trauma alert! :D)

Let me give a little backstory. I have a friend (the aforementioned Q) who is about my mother's age. I call her my Fairy KinkMother because she's kind of like a second mother to me. Well, she has a son J who is my and M's age. Luckily while we joke about practically being family it isn't serious enough to make this thing with J seem wrong. ;)

Anyway. M and I have been pursuing J for a while. Months I believe. Or at least we've been interested for months. For some time it seemed like our efforts were fruitless. He's a very self-controlled person and a lot of the times we would not get any kind of response from him, so more than once we just decided to screw it and give up trying.

Well... it finally paid off. And interestingly enough, not only did it pay off but it became more. See, in the beginning M and I were really just interested in him for the sex. Or at least that's what we said. I suspect now that we were both interested in him for more than sex but that neither of us said anything because we weren't entirely sure as to the status of our relationship. We had always said that it would be fun to bring in others for play but that the actual relationship would remain between just the two of us. Well, THAT certainly has changed.

After the first time we hooked up with J we both felt more. Somehow it came up naturally in a conversation between M and I and we both laughingly realized that, okay, we both felt a deeper connection with J than just "friend with benefits." We were both really hooked on him. It was amazing how much he opened up. Mr. Nerves of Steel, Never Show Any Emotion Ever, Too Unsure to Open Up Not to Mention a Total Control Freak (wow, would hate to sign that name on a credit card receipt) opened up BIG TIME. The sheer intensity of his openness was literally breathtaking. Actually, more to the point, how well he conveyed that intensity though just his eyes was breathtaking. He is definitely the type of person who only only uses few words, but needs few words.

But yeah. Wow. Pretty much beyond that first day it progressed into something more than friendship, even extended friendship. I feel pretty confident in calling him our partner, our third partner. It's difficult to describe just how it affects me. I almost feel euphoric. I mean, this solves so many of my problems. I've always felt kind of trapped by monogamy, but my pride wouldn't let me be a serial cheater. Plus, M means more to me than any other person ever has, and my conscience just would not let me be unfaithful to her. This just feels so incredibly right and natural. Yes, there have been issues to work out, namely those of balancing attention and actions, and making sure no one feels left out. But otherwise it was like breathing to incorporate him into our relationship.

I can't express how happy it makes me to have found a person like M who is not only open to these things but feels the way I do about them. I couldn't have gotten luckier with her. She is openminded, and willing to try new things, and she loves so deeply and openly but isn't jealous with her love or those she loves.

And J... well, I'm sure there will be more about him in the future. As the third person in this relationship, he is really quite the complement to M and I. He is kinky, toppy, quiet but open (hmm, I seem to like that word for this entry), dirty minded, dry and sarcastic.

It's really just amazing how well polyamory has worked so far. I never thought I would be one to pull it off. But not only it is being pulled off (much like my clothes!) but it's being pulled off with remarkable ease. And like I said, it just feels so damn natural and right.

Oh, and he's got me addicted to Heroes now. I really am gone. ;)

Survey Whores Anonymous

Okay, can I help that there's a survey/meme that actually applies to this blog so I can spread my survey-whorage around? :D Onward!

1. Who eats more?
Probably me. M tends to forget to eat unless her stomach's about to eat itself. I'm the muncher.

2. Who said “I love you” first?
I... am actually not sure.

3. Who is the morning person?
Neither of us, although our work schedules have so programmed our bodies that we can pretty much never sleep in anymore.

4. Who sings better?
Me, although neither of us are great singers. I just have a bit more range.

5. Who’s older?
I am, by a whopping six months (almost to the day).

6. Who’s smarter?
Definitely not a question with a "me" or "her" answer. We're both smart in different ways. I think I may come across as smarter because I'm better able to express myself, but M has one hell of a brain in that head. She's just a little more quiet about it.

7. Whose temper is worse?
Hers, for sure. It takes a lot to get her fuse lit but once it is, it's a very short fuse and she tends to be a little explosive. I don't think I mentioned that time she punched a hole in the wall, did I...? Oh well, luckily for both of us one of her many talents is being quite handy around the house, so she patched it up. :D

8. Who does the laundry?
Predominantly me, but she's been known to start or switch out loads.

9. Who does the dishes?
Me. M hates doing dishes. If she's in the right mood I can sometimes convince her to help me dry/put away, but generally it's me.

10. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?
That would be me but only, I must say, because the right side of the bed is the side up against the wall. I prefer sleeping up against the wall if the bed is positioned correctly. Although last night we weren't in a bed up against a wall and I still got in on the ride side, out of habit.

11. Whose feet are bigger?
Mine, but barely. We technically can wear the same size in some shoes but I tend to go a size bigger, mostly 'cause of how wide my feet are. We're the same size length-wise but my feet are much wider.

12. Whose hair is longer?
Mine, but barely. We both have very short hair.

13. Who’s better with the computer?
Me, although funnily enough, it was M who got me from Explorer to Firefox.

14. Do you have pets?
Yeah, two dogs, two cats and a rabbit.

15. Who pays the bills?
We both do, although lately I've been taking on more of the household bills so she can pay off credit card bills. I should mention we don't have a joint account... yet.

16. Who cooks dinner?
Usually M. I'm not a huge fan of cooking but she's a master in the kitchen.

17. Who drives when you are together?
Typically me, unless for some reason I don't feel like it, or I've been drinking.

18. Who pays when you go out to dinner?
We usually take turns, or the person who wanted to go to dinner/suggested it will pay.

19. Who’s the most stubborn?
I would say M is, but only by the most marginal fraction. We're both very, very stubborn.

20. Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?
Haha. For either of us to admit we're wrong just about takes an act of Congress.

21. Whose family do you see more?
In terms of whole family, we see hers more. But in terms of frequency regardless of amount of people, mine. My mother lives closer and visits more often, but she's the only one of my family we see with any sort of regularity.

22. Who named your pet?
Jonna and Shredder came with their names, Cinderella was named by M as a kitten (long before we got together), Piper and Xander were named by me. Well, I should explain a bit more on Xander. I had originally named him Alexander and he was just going to be Alex for short. But one time when he was still a kitten he got a raging case of the kitten zoomies, and we had just recently watched the movie XXX with Vin Diesel, and M jokingly goes, "Welcome to the Xander Zone!" And poof, that was it, he was Xander instead of Alex for short.

23. Who kissed who first?
I kissed her. Even after plying her with alcohol (yes, our first extraplatonic encounter was fueled by liquid courage), she was quite shy, so I took the initiative.

24. Who asked who out?
Not really applicable. After that ETOH-fueled night, we were just... together. One night we were just kinda like, "So, should we make it official?" And that night became our anniversary (November 21st for those who are interested), but there was no real asking-out situation.

26. Who’s more sensitive?
In what respect? ;D Physically I'm much more sensitive (teehee), but in the sense that this question was truly meant to be posed, M is. Emotionally I tend to be a little colder and harder, although it's something that seems to be improving lately what with certain... changes in our relationship. (Post to come about that later!)

27. Who’s taller?
Me, by half an inch if that.

28. Who has more friends?
She has kept in touch with more people from her past, but currently I would say it's about the same, as most if not all of our friends are mutual.

29. Who has more siblings?
Her, by a landslide! I'm an only child! She has, let's see... three (I think three) step-brothers, one half brother and one half sister.


I got a kick out of filling out this survey because in my head, I was filling it out for three people. Although I wouldn't exactly call that official yet. But unofficially... well, it seems we are more polyamorous than we had anticipated. More on that to come. :)

A Flogger in Hand Beats... Well, Just About Anyone Really!

Crossposted from Kinky Sex Link.

You know how they say a woman can put on that right pair of heels, or that right shade of lipstick and suddenly it’s like a light going on inside her – she’s really just herself with the aide of that one special item? Her walk turns into a sashay, her smile is that much more confident, her eyes that much sparklier. That is how I feel with a flogger in my hand.

My 72-tail suede flogger was one of my first BDSM implements that I didn’t just find lying around my house waiting to be perverted. It’s heavy and thuddy, but with the right flick of the wrist can turn into a stingy little bugger too. When I hold that flogger I almost feel more like it is a natural extension of my body more so than a tool I hold – much like I imagine a horseback rider feels like s/he is an extension of the horse rather than a separate entity. And more than an extension, it is a transformer.

Nothing makes me feel toppier than the weight of the handle in my hand, the braided leather pressing into my palm, my other fingers curled around the soft suede of the tails. I feel my spine straighten, my stance widen, and my gaze takes on a predatory feel as I search for that perfect spot to strike. My grin becomes especially wicked, almost wolfish, as I take in the half-wary anticipation of my bottom.

Holding and using that flogger – or any nice flogger, really – seems to open the doors of my creative side, as well. Seemingly innocuous items around the house suddenly become implements of pain, or sensory play. Everything has potential and with the change in attitude that flogger brings, suddenly I see it.

I also think that perhaps in order to re-enliven the sadomasochist within myself, perhaps I should work on visualizing that flogger in my hand even when it is not there. There is something to be said for the confidence and creativity of a top. It is an attitude I feel could be rewarding in every aspect of life.

The Best Kind of Surprise

On a slightly different note than my last post...

You know the kind of sex I love the most? The type you don’t quite see coming. Surprise sex has to be among the hottest types of sex out there. Easily one of the more pleasant surprises around as well!

Usually I’m a huge fan of anticipation. Hell, I still love the feeling of anticipating sex. Getting myself and my partner worked up, teasing mercilessly – both my partner and myself – making both of us yearn with mind and body. But I am the kind that loves to tease ruthlessly, then fall asleep… and wake up being fucked. Or wake up with my mouth precariously close to a nipple and take some serious advantage of it.

Ohhhh, there is nothing hotter than surprise wakeup sex. It just sets the tone for the whole day. There is no sweeter “good morning” than a gasping, moaning, screaming, two-fistfuls-of-bedsheets orgasm. There’s just something about the lack of inhibitions in that not-quite-awake dream state, particularly if I am waking up out of a really hot dream. Gone are the qualms, the practicalities of the conscious part of the mind that cloud my sexuality and make me a colder, harder person. It’s purely instinctual, even animalistic. Mating. Rutting. Fucking. It’s a beautiful thing.

Even better when I can go back to sleep with my partner and start the whole process over again…

Priorities

Lately I’ve been experiencing the dreaded BSOD (any recognition from the computer nerds? Anyone? Hello?) of relationships: complacency. It’s something I never figured I would experience in a relationship because I always felt like I was such a sexual and sensual person, but… well, there you have it. I’m almost embarrassed to admit it. I’ve gotten complacent. Almost… lazy.

I’d hang my head in shame if it wouldn’t impede my vision of the screen. M and I have such an incredible relationship. She’s the person I had begun to give up on ever finding. She is the bacon to my eggs. So why? Why do I suddenly find it so hard to muster up the energy to do anything sexual anymore? And let’s not even talk about how the BDSM aspect of our relationship is doing. I haven’t pulled out my bondage ties or clamps in ages.

I’ve noticed I have a hard time finding balance in my life. When I started to become pretty active in the kink scene here, I stopped going to bellydance classes. Now that our social life in general has bloomed, my kink is slowly dying. I can’t seem to find that perfect spot on the tightrope to set my feet. I can’t seem to do a little bit of everything; no, I let just a couple different things completely overwhelm my life. Of course, it never helps that my job is one of those permanent things around which I have to balance all my other, more personally important priorities. But, I should be thankful to have a job at all in this economy.

Succinctly put, I know M wants sex more often. I know I feel less… well, human when there’s little to no physical intimacy in my life. It feels like a part of our relationship has died, which in a way it has, because I’ve let other priorities take over my life and exhaust me to the point where I can’t even gather the energy to hardly even think about sex, much less participate. M has also mentioned she misses the Top in me. I have admittedly been feeling more bottomy lately, but I’ve acted on neither of these urges.

So, I think it’s time to reprioritize. I’ve got a lot of good things going on in my life right now but that doesn’t mean that any one of them has to die in order for the others to flourish. I have remarkably good balance for someone who seems to trip over her own feet or run into doorways on a close-to-daily basis; it’s time to utilize that balance in other areas of my life!