Novelty

There’s something else that’s new in my life: sex.

Ha! No, not that the sex itself is new in my life, silly… but it almost feels that way because my sex life has evolved to a point where I hardly even recognize the awkward prototype it was before. I feel like I’m really (pardon the pun here) coming into myself and awakening to a point where I can really embrace being a sexual being. It’s… intense, and exhilarating.

See, here’s the thing, and here’s where I’m going to be painfully, brutally honest about myself. Up to this point, my sexuality has been almost entirely in my head. It wasn’t often that my sexuality, my horniness, transferred to an actual physical desire for sex. It was disheartening, to say the least. I think there are several factors that were involved in this, but foremost among them was that I was complacent in this rut and unwilling to expend the effort getting out of it.

But y’know, when your life is turned topsy-turvy by new developments and new involvements, it’s impossible to stay in a rut of any sort. And so, I was freed from this one. (Of course, it also helps a LOT when multiple people are teasing you so mercilessly that your mental horniness can’t help but boil over into a fierce physical longing.)

And like I said, it’s exhilarating. Liberating. I feel almost freed from the confines of my own body, although it’s probably more like being freed from the strictures of my mind. I am outside myself, and it’s amazing.

Call me a sentimental dork, but I feel like I’m breaking into the dawn of a new era in my life, somewhere overwhelmingly enlightening and progressive. I’m eager to see it through.

When It All Builds Up, Then Spills Over

I have a confession to make.

I am a sex blogger who doesn’t like to be fucked all that often.

Yes, yes, I know. Blink a few times, shake your head to clear it, let’s move on now shall we?

The thing is… one of the things that gets my rocks off the most is anticipation. Letting the desire and frustration build to a nigh unbearable point and then jumping recklessly off the cliff into the wonderfully turbulent sea below. I love to let days or even weeks of hot dreams, dirty texts, teasing and allllmost-but-not-quite-getting-there build up to the boiling point before satisfaction is finally achieved.

What’s really great about all this is that M and I seem to be settling into… well not so much a routine, really, but a style that works for us. See, M has come to the conclusion that penetration really does not work for him – which, uh, makes sense given the circumstances. And that works for me because I love to give him clit orgasms. I get more of a reaction out of him by playing with his clit – the sounds he makes, the looks he gets on his face… all better when I jack him off than when I fuck him.

Also wonderful is that when I’m not in a receiving mood, I can push him back and get him off – which, oh hey by the way, is one of those things that builds me up to my boiling point! In addition, when he is satisfied (which it seems he needs more often than I do), he is less likely to want to pin me down and fuck me, which… oh hey by the way, gives me more time to build up to my boiling point! So basically, we’re both really finding what works for us in terms of giving the other what he/she wants. And, well… the other night, this whole grand theory was proven in a big way.

I’d reached my boiling point.

It had been building probably for a good two weeks at least. My dreams weren’t helping, nor was each and every time I got M off – I mean really, you can’t imagine how hot that is. Nor was the evening I spent with J. Nor was the evening M and I spent at our friend’s birthday party – the night I got tied up. It all built. And built. And built.

Finally, the morning after the party, it boiled over, and I got some of the best sex ever. It was long lasting, it was rough, it was multi-orgasmic, and I was as limp as an overcooked noodle afterward, except for the muscles of my face stretching into one very satisfied smile. Hell, even M was out of breath.

There is one very interesting phenomena that occurs when I am well and truly horny – like boiling point horny. Usually my nipples are very sensitive. Well, it would be better to say they are usually extremely sensitive, to the point where they are generally untouchable. But when I get that horny, they desensitize and a person could do just about whatever they wanted to do with them. They go from untouchable to practically begging to be pinched, bitten, pulled, twisted… you name it.

Yes, I was that horny.

But I think M took care of that, and took care of it very well.

:-D

The Best Kind of Surprise

On a slightly different note than my last post...

You know the kind of sex I love the most? The type you don’t quite see coming. Surprise sex has to be among the hottest types of sex out there. Easily one of the more pleasant surprises around as well!

Usually I’m a huge fan of anticipation. Hell, I still love the feeling of anticipating sex. Getting myself and my partner worked up, teasing mercilessly – both my partner and myself – making both of us yearn with mind and body. But I am the kind that loves to tease ruthlessly, then fall asleep… and wake up being fucked. Or wake up with my mouth precariously close to a nipple and take some serious advantage of it.

Ohhhh, there is nothing hotter than surprise wakeup sex. It just sets the tone for the whole day. There is no sweeter “good morning” than a gasping, moaning, screaming, two-fistfuls-of-bedsheets orgasm. There’s just something about the lack of inhibitions in that not-quite-awake dream state, particularly if I am waking up out of a really hot dream. Gone are the qualms, the practicalities of the conscious part of the mind that cloud my sexuality and make me a colder, harder person. It’s purely instinctual, even animalistic. Mating. Rutting. Fucking. It’s a beautiful thing.

Even better when I can go back to sleep with my partner and start the whole process over again…

Anal Play

Anal play is something that has been on my mind more frequently lately. I’m not sure why – perhaps because it’s something in which I haven’t participated for quite some time. Since my last girlfriend, actually. M isn’t interested in trying it, and as someone who is not into receiving anal play – I’m a giver, what can I say – I can completely understand and respect her wishes. Still, I think a part of me misses it. It was a very different but still pleasing sensation, playing with my ex-girlfriend’s ass, particularly in conjunction with fucking her cunt. I really did enjoy it.

I think it’s important to mention that while I do enjoy giving anal play, I am really not into scat play. I do enjoy playing with a person’s anus/rectum, but I’m not so much a fan of what passes through and out of said body parts. I much prefer a clean back end. As far as men vs. women, though… well, I guess I can’t really say until I’ve actually done anal play with a man, but at this point I’m open to either. I think it would just play into my dominant, sadistic streak to strap a switchy or submissive man down to a table and torture him with the pleasure of anal play combined with the pain of floggers, whips, canes, paddles and sharps play. Of course, the same thing would be equally fun with a woman.

I think all of these musings boil down to the simple fact that I want to explore more, to play more, to learn more. My kinky life has been almost dormant lately. There’s always that element of an alternative/kinky lifestyle with M – there can’t be anything but with her; the very nature of our relationship is so out of the mainstream – but the truly active side of it, the side that does all that tying down and whipping and fucking, has been neglected lately. I think it’s due to sheer laziness, to be honest. Unbelievably, sometimes I get so lazy my own sex life is neglected, which is truly sad. I think I’m the one who needs to be whipped… back into shape!

Another notch on the bedpost

Well, another play party under my belt, and this one was goooooood. A lot of great scenes, a lot of things I hadn't seen before - CBT, violet wand play, plastic wrap bondage - and I even did a little topping myself. I got to flog the bottom girl I'd been wanting to flog, although I didn't get to hit as hard as I wanted because it was her time of the month, so she was a little sensitive, and so some sensation play with a bristle brush. It was really fun to get her all worked up with the bristles then paddle her on the ass with the flat side.

I also got to do some needles on the woman who did needles on me the last time. Now that was fun. I didn't do too many or do very pretty designs, but I got to experience it and it was awesome. I could easily do that again. It was fun to watch her sink into the happy piercing place.

It also helped because I was massively comfortable at this party. Physically, I mean. No too-long corset digging into my underarms. I had on some sexy dance pants and a really cute fringed flapper-type top I got at Torrid. All soooo comfy. But I got a lot of compliments, especially on the pants! Melos get compliments wherever they go, that's for sure.

I am sore today though. Funnily enough, not from the party! Friday night I was at a friend's house playing Wii bowling and tennis until the wee hours of the morning. For the first time ever. My arm is definitely not in good Wii-shape! Oh well. Nothing naproxen and rest can't cure.

Speaking of arms being in shape, I was pretty impressed with myself the other night. Not only did I fuck M into several orgasms, but I did it with my left hand! I am generally such a righty, I surprised even myself. We both got good sleep that night. :D

Also, I really really need a harness. I wanted to fuck her while wearing the cock so bad that night. It was ridiculous. Harness: definitely high up on the kinky wish list.

Guess it's a good thing Christmas is nearing! ;)

Slinking back in

Wow, I've been pretty AWOL, haven't I? Terribly sorry. Feel free to spank me. ;-)

No, in all honesty, not much has been happening that would prompt me to post up until a couple days ago. A couple days ago, M's prize from Shay's S Spot contest, the Hottie from Eden Fantasys arrived.

Oohhhh my! I haven't masturbated with the toy yet so I'm holding off on an official, thorough review, but being fucked with it gets at least four out of five stars. I absolutely adore it.

And yes, being fucked with it. Thaaaat was a very good night. Not only did I get fucked with a toy that is probably one of the best alternatives to real cock (for those who go for real cock), but M got a little toppy. And I. Loved. It.

It's interesting for me to think back on when I said I didn't think M topping me would work since our relationship wasn't very switchy and she didn't think she was very switchy. Both of those statements have proved to be very, very false! M can most definitely be switchy as evidenced by how toppy she got with me the night we played with the Hottie: pinning me down, verbally topping, even a bit of forced orgasm play. I was absolutely digging it, so apparently I can be topped by her!

Also interestingly, this switching up seems to have relieved a bit of tension in our relationship, and I think I understand why. Before, our relationship was pretty strictly Dom/sub. I was the Dominant, she was the submissive, and things got shaken up whenever she didn't act submissive. Sometimes she could be put back into subspace; sometimes she couldn't, and that led to pretty nasty arguments when it happened. But now things seem to click more easily in our relationship. Outside the bedroom we almost have a fairly vanilla seeming relationship, with equal levels of power exchange. Of course, both of us know that's entirely not true. :-D

I certainly don't get pissed off anymore if she acts a little toppy, which had definitely smoothed out our dynamic.

Oh, and I have also discovered something else about myself - in particular, my bottomy side - that doesn't come as a surprise at all: I am one very smart-ass bottom. I don't say smart-ass masochist (SAM) because I'm not a very hardcore masochist; I don't say smart-ass sub because to me that implies some level of permanence in the position. But I am most definitely a smartass bottom. I am the perfect bottom for a Top who enjoys challenge and enjoys cooking up creative ways to shut up a bottom who won't stop making snarky, sarcastic remarks and taunting the Top. I am the perfect bottom for a Top who enjoys struggle - a bit of a fight.

Luckily for me in my relationship with M, she is that kind of Top. It sure keeps things fun in the bedroom - even outside the bedroom to a certain extent, since we're both pretty snarky and smartass.

This lightening of the mood overall is really quite enjoyable. The episodes of serious power struggle are pretty much over. We joke about it more often now, and play around with power struggle/exchange.

Anyhoo, stay tuned because if I don't get too busy, a very nice HNT should be coming up this week, and probably following next weekend a full review of the Hottie should be out!

Just a taste of vanilla

How is it that when you're a kinky person, vanilla sex becomes somehow... interesting? Interesting like a quirky but oddly intriguing poem that you just can't help but sit back and ponder.

And oddly, it wasn't even sex. Sunday M stayed naked for most of the day, I think mostly because she was feeling too lazy to even put clothes on after her shower. Later in the evening, we were both laying on the bed - she just cuddling, me reading - when I couldn't help but take advantage of her nudity. I started playing with her clit while I was reading. After a while she got huffy because I wasn't paying full attention to her, even though I thought it was kinda fun to multitask like that, so I put the book aside and focused on her clit. Fingers first, delving into a little experimentation with a vibrating back massager, and when that turned out not to work do well, our actual vibrator.

And.. well, aside from the fact that we're two chicks, and she's genderqueer, it was completely vanilla. Hardly any sadism on my part, hardly any teasing, and I didn't even make her ask to come - and instinctively, she knew that.

Going back to vanilla sex kind of felt like finding that soft, tattered baby blanket in a box in the closet. The cherished roots, beginnings, nostalgia, old memories.

Next time I think I'm going to tie her up and beat the hell out of her. And make her hold the vibrator in her pussy while I'm doing it. :-D

God how I want a strap-on. Or at least a second vibrator.

Learnings

Last night, I discovered the most effective way to put M smack-dab into subspace.

Make her blind.

After I wrote that blog, I went nonchalantly into our (dark) bedroom and returned to the living room with our toybox. I requested she put down her book and remove her clothing, then lay back on the futon with her head at a certain end. Heheh, it made me smile to watch her face go from confusion to comprehension to utter joy.

She did as I asked, at which point I used my lengths of satiny fabric to bind her to the corners of the futon frame. (Have I mentioned that this futon is endlessly useful for my bondage purposes?) I had brought the flogger out from the bedroom as well, but I noticed my long wooden back scratcher lying on the end table, so I picked that up and teased her with it. The flat side (the back of the "hand") was really quite nice for smacking, whereas the curved side (the "fingers") was great for trailing over her skin and teasing her nipples.

But! Apparently the back of the "hand" is quite stingy - I would imagine so, since it left little square red marks everywhere I hit, and I didn't think I was hitting that hard - and she started anticipating the strikes, flinching before I'd even swung the thing. I found it somewhat amusing at first, but then she started flinching away from me, trying to twist her body to make inaccessible the part I was going to hit, and it started pissing me off. So I did the logical thing - I put her hole-less spandex hood on her, so she couldn't see and anticipate the strikes!

It's also worth noting that this was the first time we'd used the hood.

The hood went above and beyond the performance call, though. I swear, as soon as it was fitted over her nose and chin, she fell right into subspace. She didn't flinch, even when I'd run the "fingers" lightly over her ticklish spots. I started to hit harder and she would moan and arch into the strikes.

I imagine it also helped when I tucked the vibrator into her (sensible black cotton) underwear and turned it on to a medium setting.

Since she was sightless, I decided to take the opportunity to do a little texture/sensory play. I ran the tips of the flogger over her skin before hitting her with it. I trailed a soft washcloth over her skin - and cruelly pinched and tugged her nipples with my fingers wrapped in it; she really liked that. I did the same with a lacy pair of my underwear. I grabbed my studded leather belt from the bedroom doorknob and tapped and smacked her with it, running the studs over her nipples. And, as a last minute idea, I got my knife from the bedroom and ran its tip and blunt edge over her skin. I even scraped at her nipples with the sharp edge a bit. I had fun lightly poking her with the tip - she said that itched, so I distracted her from the itchiness by flogging her. :-D

This entire time she's getting more and more turned on by the vibrator on and around her clit - especially when I flogged the area, increasing the vibrator's pressure on her clit.

I was having a lot of fun teasing and torturing her nipples, plagued by my sad lack of nipple clamps. I got an idea, though, which was to use some non-serrated alligator hair clips! I must say, those worked very well as a beginner nipple clamp, because they were firm but not too torturous, and I was able to play with them a lot. (Scraping the exposed nipple with the sharp edge of the knife while the rest was in a clamp seemed to produce excellent results; I liked that particular bit.)

After much of this I travelled back to the vibrator at her clit, and gave her clit some much-needed attention, pulling her underwear aside and working the vibrator around her clit. It didn't seem like very long at all before she started whispering, barely audible, "Please... please..." At which point I asked her to please speak up, because I couldn't hear her. She repeated, louder. I asked her, "Please what?" "Please... may I... come?" (I suppose it's hard to speak between moans and gasps.) My response: "Mmm... what would you do if I said no?" A keening sort of whine escaped her lips. I chuckled and told her, "You may come." I think the vibrator shifted at that point though, because she bucked away, gasping that it was too directly on her clit, to the point of pain (the non-pleasurable sort, I imagine!). Luckily not all was lost, because not long after that she began moaning and gasping again. I informed her that she had permission to come whenever she was ready. That was a lovely orgasm to watch - her hips arching, higher, tenser, and then shuddering lower, lower, until she was pressing into the futon mattress.

She wasn't actually all that eager to have the hood removed. When I tried, she cringed, saying the light (just one, from the ceiling fan) was too bright, so I shrugged and put it back on her!

My parting observation was that her sexhead was really kind of cute. Since she chopped all her hair off, she doesn't get bedhead in the same way I do - hers just sticks up all over the place, like she stuck her finger in a light socket. So cute.

Needless to say, we went to sleep very satisfied last night. And I was not at all disappointed to be so tired the next morning at work.

Nips

My nipples have reawakened themselves. This is a very, very pleasing development (in a very, very literal sense!).

When I first became sexually active (flashbacks to Juno: "What does that MEAN, anyway?"), my nipples were fairly sensitive, but fine to touch and play with. I enjoyed having them fondled. Then as the years wore on, I found them getting more and more sensitive, to the point where any touch at all was "YAH OW GET THE FUCK OFF" painful. Then it got so bad that just having them rub up against my bra was painful - in fact, the entire breast itself was sore and tender to the touch. I've since developed some ideas as to why my breasts were like that, but the good news is that that particular condition has since died down, thank deity!
Of course, the good news is that my nipples are touchable again! I always figured I'd just be one of those women who can't have her nipples played with, which was not a very encouraging prospect.

The funny thing is... the event that seemed to "trigger" my nipples going back to normal involved them being pinched, pulled and bitten so damn hard that they were bruised for days after. That would also be the same night I came to the conclusion that M can fuck me, if the situation is approached in the right mindset.

My joy at this new development is palpable - particularly last night when my nipples were very nicely played with as a prelude to being very nicely fucked. It was almost enough to make me not miss cock at all!

A positive development

So, remember how I was talking about it being awkward when M fucked me? It felt too much like I was lying back and letting her take control and decide what to do to me. Well, all that changed last night!

We fucked. And when I say "we fucked, " I mean we fucked each other. And may I just say, it felt good. Not awkward at all. I think it helped to approach the whole situation with a different attitude. Well, that and I didn't just lie back and let her have at me - for the most part I was kneeling above her, and she was the one lying back. And I had the mindset of letting her make me feel good, while I made her feel even better.

I think it's safe to say that in the end, we were both satisfied. Lord knows I was, after quite the dry spell on the receiving end!

I still want to rock the subspace eventually, though.

A new experience

Mmmm, so last night was fun! Having taken the flogger out of my overcrowded toybox and hanging it up on the wall, then adding to the box the lengths of satin cloth I figured would make good "rope" until I got some Japanese silk rope or something, I was feeling a little kinky and ready for some action. The perfect moment came when M was lying on the futon in our living room, looking rather inviting. Being that the futon is the only somewhat comfortable furniture I could tie her to (no bedposts, sigh), the situation was opportune.

She had her eyes closed, dozing somewhat, so I crept into the bedroom and grabbed the toybox (which is just a converted toolbox - nothing fancy). I set it down on the footstool, quietly opened it and drew out the lengths of dark green satin. Before she opened her eyes and realized what was happening, I had her arms above her head and was tying her wrists together, and then tying those bound wrists to the armrest of the futon. Oh, I was loving it.

Next came the flogger, and a few testing swats on her thighs and the V of her pussy. The smile that indicates M going into her painslut subspace crept across her face, and I grinned in approval. The swats got more frequent, harder. She couldn't decide whether she wanted to arch into them, or away. At one point she brought her knee up to shield her pussy - I had decided not to tie her ankles for this session - and I gave her an extra-hard swat on that thigh, enough to make her cringe and enough to make me grin in what I imagine was a rather evil manner. I do so love pushing her pain boundaries.

After a short while it occurred to me that I could be SO much more teasing than I was being, and I love, love to tease. So I pulled out our sleek, black vibrator and toyed with her clit for a moment, then pulled her panties aside and slowly slid it into her pussy. It was easy - she was quite damp. I pumped it in and out a few times, making sure she was in the thrall of its vibrating pressure on her G spot, at which point I left it there and secured it in place with her panties, squeezing her thighs shut around it. Again I resumed the flogging, going up and down her torso and legs.

However, nothing is more appealing to me than flogging the hell out of her back and ass, leaving red stripes and blotches in my wake, so I had her flip over, then pulled her shirt up to her shoulders and her panties down under her ass. There's something about playing/fucking with clothes on that excites me - like the urgency of the need is so great that one cannot be bothered with something as minute as clothing removal.

Then came the real fun. She's much less sensitive on her back and ass, so I got to hit her harder. More frequently. I got to witness her ass turning bright apple red, and the telltale stripes and blotches reveal themselves on her back and thighs. My hits became rhythmic, interspersed with agonizingly slow drags of the tails across her ass and back. Naturally, the rhythm of my hits reminded me of music, and conveniently enough I had my laptop - complete with iTunes - right there underneath the toybox. So I started playing some music. Started hitting her to the beats of the music. Every now and then I'd fuck her with the vibrator to the beat of the music. Yes, I think I really do like sex and playing with music!

After some time of this - and me deriving what was probably way too much glee out of Musical Flogging - she begged me to pay her clit some attention, so being the loving Domina that I am to her *wink wink* I withdrew the vibrator from her dripping pussy and began to play it over her clit. She started to get very worked up and I gently reminded her that if she need to ask me something, to please feel free to ask. Finally she begged me to come, and of course my first teasing instinct is to draw away, but apparently she was already on that heady, rushing brink, and my pulling away made her lose her orgasm. I couldn't tell you whose fault it was - hers, for waiting too long? Or mine, for not knowing that a sub begs when she's on the brink? Maybe both, or neither? Eh, in either case, frustrated though she was, she fell into a peaceful doze as I went about cleanup.

I left her tied to the futon for some time, finally letting her go around the time I wanted to go to bed. I discovered that the longer end of the satin that I used to tie her to the armrest made a very nice makeshift leash. I also experimented with bending her arms behind her head, then looping the long end loosely around her neck and tucking it into the opposite wrists's binding, which I liked. Then, finally - sated - we went to bed. She slept the deep slumber of a sub who got exactly what she wanted - well, minus the orgasm of course. But hey, it's healthy for a sub not to get the expected orgasm every time, eh? *wink*

D/s during sex

I don't know if I'm of a minority or majority line of thought, but I can't help but feel awkward when my girlfriend fucks me, because I feel like I'm the bottom to her Top - not our typical arrangement, as she is very much the submissive and she very much brings out my Dominant side. If that is the case however, then she would be classified more as a service Top, but still, I derive much more enjoyment from fucking her than from her fucking me.

Of course, I can't get by on masturbation alone (that is, until I find a person who brings out my submissive side - the side that wants to be totally out of control and fucked senseless) and I do enjoy thoroughly interactive sex, so this morning I sat back and enjoyed some much needed attention.

It still felt awkward, though. My reactions at the mercy of the woman who I'm used to putting at _my_ mercy. I guess I'm just not one of those switches who can switch with the same person. She still gave me orgasms, and they felt wonderful, but... I guess you could say it wasn't the same as totally letting go.

In any case, I felt much better when, afterward, I pushed her back on the bed and flogged her backside until it was red and welted. Perhaps that is how I can handle being at her mercy - it was certainly an enjoyable way to end awkward yet satisfying sex.

On an unrelated note, I would love to find a flogger that either has a dildo for a handle or has a dildo attached to the handle. Every time I flog her I have this intense urge to fuck her with the handle, but it's too big for her, not to mention a very unwieldy shape. I shall have to keep my eyes open for something of this fashion.