From Pan to Queer

I couldn’t mark the day I adopted “queer” over “pansexual.” It wasn’t an occasion where I woke up, or stopped short in the middle of doing something with a lightbulb illuminating the crown of my head. It was a more gradual sort of evolution brought on by a combination of factors.

Not least of which is whenever I see or hear the word “pansexual” I automatically think of frying pans. Plus, it just sounds so… scientific. Not that there’s anything wrong with science, but I’m not a fan of cold, laboratory-esque terms around my sexuality. Sexuality is a soft, malleable, golden red word. Pansexual is hard, sterile, gleaming steel and unyielding edges.

Of course, now that I describe it, it still sounds sexy.

Okay. Back on track, woman. There’s also the fact that “queer” is not only easier to say but easier for others to understand. Sure, your typical non-queer person thinks “queer” is synonymous with “homosexual,” which isn’t always the case, but getting any kind of comprehensive response is better than a blank stare.

Oddly enough, queer also feels more comprehensive than pansexual. I couldn’t tell you why that is, since pansexual is a comprehensive term by definition, but there are still those unyielding edges around it that queer doesn’t seem to have. If these terms were people, in my mind pansexual would be the clique who closes ranks and shoulders out anyone new, whereas queer is the crazy, lovable chick going around hugging everybody.

I know I’m probably going to piss at least one person off with that statement. Oh well. Candor for the win.

So there you have it. I’m queer. Among other things. But, as is said, actions make the person, so… I guess I should go be weird now! Oh, wait…

A minor discovery

...About myself, that is.

Ever since I realized my attraction to females as well as males, I just settled myself nicely into the "bisexual" category. Of course, that plays back into my hatred of labels, but what the hell are you supposed to tell people who ask - "I refuse to label myself because the categorical nature of humans is ridiculous!" It's easier not only mentally but syllabically just to say "straight" or "bi" or "gay" or whatever!

Anyway... I kept seeing this term "pansexual" around, not only here but on other sites, etc. I understood it to mean that the person is just attracted to... people! Gender, genitals didn't matter. Attraction did. And the funny thing is, that's how I've always felt. I don't care what genitals a person has, or what gender a person identifies as, if they're attractive, they're attractive!

Well, it finally hit me: I am pansexual. Not "bisexual with a disregard for gender." Pan-freaking-sexual. And there again, saying "pansexual" is far fewer syllables than saying "bisexual" and then having to explain my carelessness about the genitals a person was born with!

Of course, how many "vanilla" people are even going to understand if/when I said "I'm pansexual?" That's another entry unto itself, I think!