Monday, August 4, 2008

Interesting changes

So M and I just got back from California last night. We stayed the weekend to visit family, and it was great. I got a beautiful black corset free, courtesy of my mother! I cannot begin to tell you how cool it is to have my mother be into BDSM as well.

In any case, that's not the point of this post. While we were there, M and I went shopping with my mother, and we ended up in a department store's men's section looking at ties. My mother wanted a hot pink one to complete an outfit of hers. ;) Anyway, M found a nice black men's dress shirt on sale, so she picked one up, and then idly began looking at ties. I jokingly called her my "little tranny boi." She laughed, but on the road home that night, admitted that when I had called her that, something clicked inside her.

She's been tomboyish for as long as I've known her - before that, even - but up until fairly recently hadn't really taken it as far as she could have. She's always had a boyish body, minus her large bosom, so she felt more comfortable in men's clothes, since they were more suited to her straight frame. She had long, long hair when I met her, though. I don't think it ever occurred to her that she could cut it, because her mother and sister also had very very long hair and they all just cut their hair at home. Even her dad and brother have their hair cut at home. Stylists and experimentation were not really something her family did as far as hair goes.
Well, it wasn't too long into our relationship that we were browsing through one of my fashion magazines (a guilty pleasure) and came across an article detailing various haircuts, one of which was a girl whose waist-length hair had been shopped off into a pixie cut to make her facial features stand out more. It looked gorgeous, and got M thinking about cutting it. I supported the idea - hey, really, whatever she wants to do with her looks is fine by me - so she went and had it done, and it looked great! She loved it so much more because it was so low-fuss; she didn't even have to worry about putting her hair back anymore, or worry about it getting in the way of anything. Plus, it just... suited her. Just another facet of her tomboyishness.

That's a bit of the background. Back to more recently: we got into a pretty deep discussion on the way back home about something clicking inside her when I called her a tranny boi. She's always felt more masculine, always felt awkward when she was "girlified" - and you can tell, she looks a little stiff in her high school formal dance wear, with her hair curled and makeup on. She looks good in makeup, don't get me wrong, but I'm talking more along the lines of smudgy eyeliner, not all the stuff she had on for those dances.

Her biggest hate, though, is her breasts. She HATES them. I understand why - I'd hate mine too if I were an active, athletic girl and had DD to DDD breasts always getting in the way. She hated them also for the aesthetics, particularly their burgeoning presence in her men's clothes. Plus, she told me, she just wants to be able to go shirtless in hot weather like a guy. :D So we began talking about voluntary mastectomies, what I knew of the procedure, the counseling involved, etc.

Then she started asking about full transitioning. She wanted to know everything - what I knew fact-wise, my opinions, etc. The conclusion: she's no transsexual. But genderqueer: oh definitely. She likes having a vagina, she likes our relationship dynamic (which would undoubtedly change if she were to transition fully into a male), and she just likes the idea of being herself, only... androgynous, genderqueer (there's that term again). Herself, only breastless. That's really the final step. She's already got the masculine demeanor, the short hair, the men's clothes.
Throughout it all I told her that I would support her no matter what she chose. I would sure as hell find her attractive without breasts - to be honest, I don't find breasts all that appealing anyway. Sure, occasionally there's the perfect pair I can't help drooling over, but for the most part I'm attracted to the shape of a woman's body in general, or her ass (especially her ass), or her legs. If anything I prefer a woman with smaller breasts, so her breastlessness wouldn't affect me in the slightest. Or at least, it wouldn't affect me in a negative manner.

I will love to see how happy she is after she has them removed, though. I think it will be that final freedom for her. She's fine with her girly bits down below - it's the ones up top she wants gone. So this should be an interesting journey toward her fulfillment.